There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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