I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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