An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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