remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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