Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
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please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
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Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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