It's Friday. Sex?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
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I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
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What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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