You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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