okay pat passed out under dana's car
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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