It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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