so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
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I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
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80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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