Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize