matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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