saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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