dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
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Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
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Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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