I wish I could teleport
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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