I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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