No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize