We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
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No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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