im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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