Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He better not be in your backpack
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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