Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
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I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
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i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
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