I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
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After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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