he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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