Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize