Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize