Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize