I'm gonna have a badass scar
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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