I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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