I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
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Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
tell me about the fingering
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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