I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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