So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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