if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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