i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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