i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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