I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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