so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
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There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
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I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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