I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
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you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
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You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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