remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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