yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
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I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
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Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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