I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
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So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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