And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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