Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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