We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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