at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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