All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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