I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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