so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
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I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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