we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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