i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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