i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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